In the Middle of the Night...

A few nights ago I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and just couldn't fall back to sleep.  Whenever this happens, I hear a voice from my childhood saying, "Whenever you can't fall back asleep it's usually because God has something to say, so pray."  So reluctantly I began to pray for all the people and circumstances God was bringing to mind but somehow I got stuck on praying for my kids.  I started asking God to protect them and the need to pray for their hearts and all that can affect them came on with such ferocity that it surprised even me.

All of a sudden, I began to hear what sounded like whimpering coming from somewhere in the house.  I could barely hear it, but there it was --whimpering...soft...quiet but so sad.  Because I was wide awake at this point, I got out of bed to find the source of the sound and there it was behind the closed door of my daughter's bedroom the saddest little noise I had ever heard.

I went right in and wrapped her in a hug.  She had buried her head under her covers, eyes full of tears, body shaking.

 "Oh mom, I was all alone.  All alone."

"Tell me about it."

"I had the worst dream that I was left alone in an orphanage and there was no one there, not even any kids.  I was in this room all by myself.  Alone."  And she wept into my arms.

It was then I was able to reassure her that she was safe, she was at home and that no matter what she would never be left in this world alone.  I reminded her of all the family members that would scoop in to love and take care of she and JJ if anything would ever happen to Jason and I.  But, ultimately there in the middle of the night, I was able to remind her that in this world we are never alone.  That God is truly with us wherever we go.  I shared a few experiences from my own life where when I was physically all alone, God showed up and stepped in.

Then, as she had calmed down and was resting in my embrace her little voice whispered, "Can you pray for me, Mom."  What a privilege it was to talk to God in the middle of the night with my girl.  Who is learning that when we are alone, when we are terrified, when we don't know what to do - that's when we pray.    I tucked her in, kissed her forehead and went back to bed.

And as I laid there in my own bed an hour later from when I originally woke up, I couldn't help but praise God for His faithfulness in the simplest things.  That He would wake me up and work through my obedience to pray in the middle of the night when I couldn't go back to sleep instead of just laying there being annoyed.  I would never have heard that whimpering if I hadn't already been awake.   It was Him who inspired me to be praying for protection for my children at the VERY moments my daughter was having a horrible nightmare about being left alone.

We live in a fallen world.  There is not always the guarantee that all will go the way we want it to.  We cannot even make promises to our children that nothing bad will ever happen to them.  But, the one thing we can give them is the one thing I am so thankful my parents instilled in me.  That we can go anywhere with Jesus.  That He truly is the only one who will never leave or forsake us.  When we take one step closer to Him, He runs toward us as fast as He can.

So, next time you wake up in the middle of the night.  Take a minute to see if it's because God has something to say.

Here I Go Again

So, I have started and stopped 3 other blogs in the past.  I guess I never seem to find time or the importance of sharing my ramblings with the world.  It's always been my achilles heel as a writer.  I have literally scores of journals full of writings, short stories, poetry which no one but me gets to enjoy. But, lately I have felt that prompting for better or worse to share a little more of myself with the world.  So, here goes.

Last week,  I entered year 8 of motherhood. My oldest daughter blew out 8 candles and I stood there realizing how quickly life is flying by.  This whole motherhood thing has been trial by fire.  I have been amazed by the stuff I have learned in the last near decade of my life out of sheer necessity.  Being a mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever dared to do.  Luckily I have the most wonderful man in the world as my parter in all of this.  He reminds me when I'm taking myself too seriously and definitely provides all the fun and adventure any kid would ever need.  Our motto has been, "He provides the adventures and I bring them home alive!'  One without the other would truly be a shame.

I am a church planter's wife.  There I said it.  Yes, me a pastor's wife.   Never in a million years did I think I would ever fit that role, but there it is.  Over 10 years ago, Jason accepted a job at a church wrangling middle school students on the weekend and with that my role was born.  Luckily, I was able to fly under the radar for the first 5-6 years.  But, 4 years ago God prompted Jason to begin the journey which is now called LoveCanton church, and I willingly began to embrace my role not just as polite onlooker, but a mother of 2 with a mission to be in step with what God is doing in our city.

It's been downright terrifying at times, stressful to say the least, but worth every single minute.  It has been the thing that has driven me close to the God who made me.  It has been where with hammer and chisel, He has been sculpting me into who He wants me to be.

Someone once told us as we began realizing that the way we were wired was much more discipleship oriented that "people are messy."  I completely agree, but at the same time the people that God has literally brought out of the woodworks to be on mission with us have been the most amazing people I have ever met.  It is an inspiring thing to watch God build His church.  And by church, I don't mean the building - it is the people.  Messy or not, it is glorious.

So, this blog will be my outlet.  It will be where I'll be sharing my ups and downs of being mom to Caris and JJ and wife to Jason.  It's also where I'll endeavor to share some of the things I'm learning as we continue to work with God to build His church LoveCanton through the vehicles of little churches we call Villages that meet all over the city in neighborhoods and networks.